


Don't Ask Me If This Feeling's Right or Wrong

by roseandheather



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M, The Author Apologizes for Her Italics Addiction, The Author Is Not At All Nice To Cole, The Author Wishes She Was Sorry But She Isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6564658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseandheather/pseuds/roseandheather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cole Guthrie has some unflattering things to say about Ed Harbert.</p><p>Leanne Rorish has some <i>very</i> unflattering things to say to Cole Guthrie.</p><p>And Ed Harbert hears everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Ask Me If This Feeling's Right or Wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iris_Celeno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iris_Celeno/gifts).



"...have the _gall_ to up and leave us in the middle of the worst Code Black of the year, and you're whining about how our CEO wouldn't promise you a good _reference?_ "

Ed Harbert hits the wall with a thump.

"What did you _expect?_ " continues Leanne's strident voice. "People were _dying,_ Dr. Guthrie! Something you, as I recall, took an oath to _prevent!_ "

"I couldn't -" says a voice Ed recognizes as Cole Guthrie lamely, but Leanne cuts him off.

"You deserved it!" she snaps. " _You_ walked away. _You_ proved unreliable. That's not my fault and it's not his, so why you're blaming him is beyond me!"

"What, are you _fucking_ him now?"

Ed swears his heart stops beating. He's even afraid to breathe, lest he interrupt the confrontation around the corner. He shouldn't be eavesdropping; he _knows_ he shouldn't. But right at that moment, he doesn't care. Because Cole Guthrie has just levelled the kind of accusation that could ruin careers at Leanne, and despite the spike of pain when he thinks about it - he'd have to be fooling himself to think he doesn't care for her in that way, and he is a fool in many ways but not that one - he silently wills her to handle this properly instead of letting anger make her say something that could come back to haunt her.

"Oh, I see." Leanne's voice oozes derision from every pore. "Because that's the _only_ possible reason I could be taking his side. After all, it's not like he's a _good_ man, is it? With a job so hard I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone someone I actually _like?_ It's not as though he puts this hospital above everything else, or performs a balancing act so delicate it would make Cathy Rigby jealous. No, the only _possible_ reason I could be taking his side instead of yours is because I'm 'fucking' him." Ed can actually hear the air quotes.

Guthrie snorts derisively. "It makes more sense than the idea that Leanne Rorish of all people has gone over to the suits!"

"Oh, there we go again," says Leanne, with that same icy derision, and somewhere deep inside his chest, Ed's heart is doing cartwheels. "Because it has to be one side or the other, doesn't it, instead of all of us having a common goal?"

"His goal is to make his donors and VIPs happy -"

 _"And just why do you think that is?"_ Leanne's voice is so cold it could freeze the Caribbean. "We're a _public hospital,_ Dr. Guthrie. We don't _get_ enough money from the state to treat half the people who come through our doors, and that's just in my department alone! Yes, there are decisions he makes that I hate. There are things he does that make me want to scream at him until I'm blue in the face. There are things he does that make me want to slam his door open and _fight_ until my department gets everything it needs, instead of only just enough to get by and sometimes not even that.

"And you know what, Dr. Guthrie? I _do._ I _do_ go up there and fight for my department, because that's my _job._ But his is to fight for this _hospital,_ because I do not have the only department that matters and we are not getting the short end of the stick. There are nothing _but_ short ends at Angels. A situation which isn't helped by one of our best surgeons up and walking out on us with no notice in the middle of the worst Code Black I've seen in at least two years!"

"I," begins Cole, but Leanne rides right over him.

"You're a _child,_ Cole. Yes, perhaps we could have had something, once upon a time. But you proved you couldn't be trusted, and I am too old for tantrums and melodrama. It's clear you think that accusing me of 'fucking' our CEO -" and there were those air quotes again, as Ed's heart raced like a rabbit in his chest - "is the worst insult you can possibly come up with. But he is a hundred times the man you will _ever_ be, and I don't consider it an insult to think that maybe he could be interested in me that way. On the contrary. Because he _is_ a good man, someone I trust, with courage and compassion and heart, with the ability to play the long game and see beyond the here and now. God knows he has his faults, but a lack of caring for this hospital, its people, or its patients is _not_ one of them.

"Do you know what he is, Cole? He is  _there._ He listens, and he cares, and he does his best, and he is _there_ for me when I need him in whatever capacity he can manage. He can't always give me my way, and we both know that, but he _tries._ He is my friend, and he doesn't expect anything in return for it except that I be his friend, too. Does he _want_ something else? Something more? He's never said anything of the kind. I doubt it, but even if he did, he wouldn't trade on our friendship to get it. Because unlike you, he knows when 'no' means 'no' and he wouldn't think he was entitled to anything even if he _did_ want something more - or if I did."

"And do you?" Cole's voice is gruff, almost abashed, and Ed forces himself to let out the breath it feels like he's been holding forever.

"Quite frankly," says Leanne frostily, "that's none of your business."

_She didn't say no._

The words echo in his mind, stop his heart, steal his breath.

_**She didn't say 'no'.** _

"But -"

"Good _day,_ Dr. Guthrie."

~*~

"Oh God," says Leanne, when Cole's footsteps have receded down the hallway. She turns the corner and stares at him like a deer caught in the headlights, and he has to fight not to just draw her into his arms and _hold_ her. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough. Leanne - "

"I'm sorry I went off on him like that," she says, and actually shuffles her feet. "But I couldn't just stand there and let him talk about you that w-"

"It was the most magnificent thing I've ever heard in my life," he blurts before he can think the better of it, and hauls in a breath. "Leanne, you deserve to know that I  _do_ want something more."

"What?" she whispers, and hugs herself tight.

"I'm not asking you for anything," he plows on, because now that he's started, he can't stop until he finishes. "I _wouldn't._ The professional complications - they're huge, I know they are. Enormous, even. Especially given what just happened. And if you weren't who you were - well, I wouldn't have fallen for you, would I? Working beside you has - "

"Get to the point," she says hoarsely, and he can see her hands trembling.

"The point is this, Leanne. I can't wish for either of us to be anything other than what we are. I know how big the risks are, especially for you. And if all you want is for us to be friends, and only that, then I'll take it and be grateful to have you in my life in any way at all. But if you wanted to take a chance on me - on _us_ \- well. I'd want to take a chance on you, too." Her eyes are enormous, and he swallows hard. "More than want. _God,_ Leanne, you're - " _Shut up,_ he thinks to himself furiously. _Shut up shut up shut **up**_ -

And then his brain goes silent entirely, because Leanne Rorish is in his arms, crushing her mouth to his, her fingers tangling in his hair and holding on to him like he's the only real thing in the world.

"I didn't," she gasps against his lips, while he tries to remember how to breathe, "know how much you mean - " she kisses him again "to me until he couldn't - " another kiss, harsh and wanton, as she bites at his lips - "stop talking crap about you - " and again, soft and hot and all apology "and I realized -" twice this time, as her fingers clutch at the back of his neck "you were everything I could ever want - " leaving his lips to kiss his eyelids, his cheeks, his burning forehead, and why does his face feel wet? - "because I _trust_ you, Ed, I really _trust_ you, and I _want -_ "

"We will," he says hoarsely, because he has Leanne Rorish willingly in his arms and he has to ask her to _stop_ (but just for now, oh please _God_ let it be just for now), "Leanne, baby, we _will,_ but not now, you _know_ we can't right now." He strokes her hair, rubs her back, and even as he sets her on her trembling feet again, he's feathering kisses to her forehead and eyelids.

She tucks her face against his chest with a regretful sigh, and he rubs his thumbs over her shaking shoulders as she forcibly slows her breathing.

"So," he says at last, his voice unaccountably rough, "is that a yes, then?"

She lets out a hitching noise that's half laugh and half sob, and curls her fingers more tightly in his shirt.

"Leanne," he murmurs at last, after a few more moments of revelling in just holding her, and she pulls away enough to look into his eyes. "I could so easily fall in love with you," he admits, because it's the truth, and she deserves to know it.

"I know," she whispers, and then takes his hand and presses it to the pounding of her own heart.

For once in his life, he's out of words. So instead he simply lifts her into his arms, her feet off the floor, and lets his touch say everything.

When she tucks her face into the curve of his neck and curls her fingers in the back of his shirt, he knows she understands.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Truthfully, I don't think Cole is as bad as I've portrayed him here. He's an overgrown child with a temper problem, but I think he really does respect Leanne (professionally, at least; personally I'm not so sure of), and I think it'd be a bit beyond the pale even for him to accuse her of sleeping with her boss in return for preferential treatment. But I do think he's immature enough to get petulant and petty if Leanne doesn't agree with him, so I turned that trait up to eleven and set him loose on Ed Harbert to see what Leanne had to say about it.
> 
> Obviously, she didn't take it well. :)
> 
> Finally, I freely admit that this is at least partly based on a rather extensive (uh, multi-hour, actually) discussion I had with Iris about what Ed and Leanne would see in each other, what sort of a rapport they'd build up while working together, and just what exactly might go down in future chapters of "Here We Are". I sort of took one of those ideas and appropriated it for my own purposes, and I only wish I could say I was sorry. :D


End file.
